Loving someone means to be able to let them go to grow and be in their own life in whatever they have chosen to do. It means setting someone free to be able to find their own identity and their own way of being. And, many have to take many roads to find this identity. It implies two people have to be willing to work things through but if one is unwilling or not able to or chooses a different direction, and the other has been there for them in a million and one ways, it means that one has to let that person go, anyway.
Letting go does not mean abandoning that person. It means letting them be who they are and to release expectation, speculation, assumptions, and many other notions that we have about them and about the situation. It means creating space to allow someone to go their own way to see what works and does not work for themselves just as we need to learn this as well. Only that person knows what is really going on in their heart just like we know what is going on in our own hearts. It means loving that person but realizing that life goes on for both people involved. It also means realizing that they do not know what we are going through either and that despite where they are, are probably wondering about us as well.
Then like a homing pigeon, if it is meant to be, then that person will come back after they have gone through what they must in order to be ready for the right relationship. And if that person is us, then time will tell at a new point in life. You see, we also change and grow when they are gone and/or when they have not come forward, despite their love for us and our love for them---we are not sitting by the phone; we have done many things; we have evolved through our own experiences and only a heart to heart meeting and dialogue and getting to know that person in a real and true way will help us see if they are right for us and we are right for them.
In the meantime, we have our own lessons to learn and our own life to lead. We also grow in a way that we did not see or realize before because we focused on the other person at the expense of our own life and Self esteem. Yes, there is the genuine desire to be supportive and loving of the other, but at what cost? --- Money, heartache, pain, other negativities, and neglect of our own life because of the focus on the other person.
Yet, we are human and with the seeming rejection of someone who loves us, there is pain that has to be worked through. When there is true love and that person cannot or still will not come forward, then it is the deepest pain of our Soul and heart.
We must also see and understand that the other person has their own heartache and pain, that perhaps through Grace we will one day also come to understand them and their life and the reasons for their choices--- and they will understand and deeply feel and know our pain and story as well.
We may find ourselves different and more evolved just as the other person hopefully has evolved and is growing upon the path they have chosen to do and be upon---whatever it is.
If a person truly loves us (and has learned to love themselves or is on the way to finally loving themselves) and wakes up to the value of us in their lives, then they will find a way to reach us, after we made many laudable attempts to connect to them (but they chose a diffferent direction). They will find a way; they have the choice to make effort to really come forward. And we have the choice to accept them or not.
If they awaken to their heart's feelings about us, and if they are honest and true about their inner feelings, they do find a way to reconnect and to really be in the space of the heart for themselves and with us.
However, we have grown and changed also. Others have or may come into our lives that dramatically change our perspective and our way of thinking as well.
It is only in a new time and space that we will ever know whether such a person is meant for us to be in relationship. And, in doing so, we have to let go of the past and start fresh and anew. That does not mean forgetting the past, it means expressing what happened, working it through and seeing what happens or does not happen from that new, fresh vantage point.
Dr. R
More Later.
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